It's OK, I'm Wearing Really Big Knickers

What is the matter with my life? Why is it so deeply unfab?

It's a day and a half now since I snogged the Sex God…

I think I have snog withdrawal. My lips keep puckering up...

I tried snogging the back of my hand, but it's no good...

It's been over a week. I wonder if it's my nose…

I have a HUGE nose that means I have to live for ever in the Ugly Home.